3 things getting me through this new year
This terrible feeling must be Seasonal Affect Disorder, right?
I’m in self-analysis mode on my orange corduroy chair, sifting through my feelings in a notebook à la Morning Pages. Depression from the sun setting at 4:30pm seems like bullshit, so I’m dissecting my discomfort for the real answer — this is my preferred processing mode. What’s pushing me to the edge: holiday stress, birthday anxiety, the entire past year? I bring “the entire past year” chunk into my lab and place it on the blank page. Lights, goggles, scalpel.
Here’s where 2023 takes an unexpected turn.
On the page, my familiar harms are pushed aside — my well-trod self-hatred, patterns of “I’m a failure,” and my over-commitment problems. I’m already working on these, new issues are my target. I notice a significant drag being caused by a cumulative effect of emotional strain without time to recover; namely, a pandemic right back into regular life. Still, I scoop this aside to examine an unusual texture below. It’s me: I’ve changed. My patterns feel uncomfortable because I’m different.
