Take out the white gloves, we’re looking at my underwear and these thongs have to go!
My first thongs are from a panty-exchange organized in my college girlfriend group. It’s Christian college so we need a game to encourage brave purchases. My thongs are too wide in the floss, making me constantly aware of the manufactured wedgie. Why do women do this? My second pair are opposite, they’re T-bar style and quickly create a thong experience on both sides of my body, which is definitely wrong. Nobody warned me of the pitfalls in these panties! After years of experience, it’s time to be honest - an entire category has to go: white thongs.
We cannot merge sexy and functional with these travesties.
Imagine the strictest Royal Housekeeper in your room. Collar buttoned to the top, shining shoes, and bun so tight her eyes are pulled — she’s scary. Her face is smug, as she bends down, white-gloved, and drags a finger behind the books on your shelf. You know the last time you cleaned there but you’re still holding your breath. This is wearing white thongs. I don’t want this white-gloved inspection of my things, especially my butthole!
We need to stop doing this to ourselves.
