Thinking my love inside-out, an unspooling
How’re you doing?
It jumps out before I can think, so I clarify — all things considered in this hellscape, of course. How’s your heart?
I watch her face relax when I specify heart. “It’s heavy.” The word grows even as she speaks it, with multiple stories pouring into this heavy heart. I don’t need to know them; I can see her carrying. I’m asking, so she knows I’m a place to lean. I’m asking, so she knows she’s seen. My friendships are a series of these small threads rather than a big rope in emergencies. I’m a weaver not a lifeguard.
I’ve been trying to make sense of my role in these times and finally landed on this measly fiber comparison — thread vs. rope. I want to be admired like a lifeguard but I’m just a string-pusher, as useful as a doily when things are bad. And things are definitively bad. A few days into this violence in the Middle East, I pulled an affirmation to ease my overwhelm — I blame it for this fiber-based self-analysis. Stick with me to the end of these loops and you’ll get a soft sweater. First loop is the affirmation:
